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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Another Bite of Elephant

Looking back, I think I was afraid of starting an “official Parkinson’s medicine.” Part of the fear was a fear of side effects. I’m a voracious reader, so I always read the side effects on the pharmacy literature. YIKES! (But, have you seen the side effects lists for Advil or Benadryl?!)

I think my greater fear, though, was a fear of being “locked in.” The medicine they wanted to put me on is one of those that you can’t just quit. It takes weeks to ease into a full dose, and weeks to wean back off. If something were to change (divine healing or discovery of misdiagnosis) you can’t just quit the medicine. I believe I was afraid of limiting God by “accepting” the diagnosis of Parkinson’s and starting treatment.

I’m learning, though, that accepting is not the same thing as giving up. God is sovereign--I can’t limit Him by accepting the circumstances He allows in my life. I can, however, limit the ways He can use me by denying what’s going on with me. If I deny the problems I’m facing, how can my experience be a witness to God’s grace at work in me?

I have Parkinson’s -- Parkinson’s doesn’t have ME!! GOD has me! Regardless of my circumstance, He still holds me in the palm of His hand. To some people, the difference in phrasing may seem like mere semantics, but hey--I’m a semantics kinda girl!

I’m learning that I’m still me--just with the addition of Parkinson’s. I still feel things strongly. I still cry when I’m sad...and when I’m happy...and when I “get blessed!” I still have the same weird sense of humor--sometimes to the annoyance of my family!

I sometimes struggle now with fear when I try to picture my future. Barring a miraculous healing or a medical breakthrough, I doubt that my future will match Deuteronomy 34:7. But you know, for years I’ve walked around saying that a crisis doesn’t make us more dependent on God--it just makes us more aware of how dependent we’ve been on Him all along! Once again, God’s given me the chance to “put my money where my mouth is!”

So I've started the medicine -- Mirapex. It seems to be helping a little already.

"Another bite of elephant? Why, yes, thank you...." (munch, munch, munch....)

All the Way My Savior Leads Me
(by Fanny Crosby - a blind hymn writer)

All the way my Savior leads me,
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.

1 comment:

Jenn said...

God does have you right in the palm of his mighty and loving hand. And one thing you have is a friend who will be there with you-you are not alone!

Did you know I collect elephants? I have many but haven't eatten one, so lets have lunch soon!