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Monday, July 20, 2009

This Just In....

Hi! Just wanted to let everyone know that I saw my neuro today. MRIs and MRAs show no sign of any episode. No stroke. No TIA. Nothing. It doesn't fit any description of any particular thing, so the assumption is that it was some kind of a fluke, possibly connected with a weird, atypical, painless migraine.

Soooo, I'm off the blood thinner. I'm allowed to drive again. Yay, God!

Friday, July 10, 2009

A Friend Will Lend You A Cup Of Laughter

Laughter shared by a friend....


1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS FEEL GUILTY ABOUT INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS DO ABOUT ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Diem Interruptus

Have you ever been busy, going about your life, only to have it interrupted by...well...life? Diem interruptus! (interrupted day)

So there I was, sorting laundry, when I began to develop a visual aura. For those of you who've never had the "pleasure," an aura (for me anyway) is like that annoying little spot you get after someone takes a flash picture of you. An aura, however, can be any size or shape, can take up residence anywhere in your field of vision, and can last as long as it jolly well pleases. Also, my auras have always been translucent. What ever was being blocked by the aura was still visible, although less so.

This aura, though, was different. It developed quickly, and grew. And grew. And grew. To give you an idea....

Me: Lloyd, I’m getting a major aura.

Lloyd: What? (already, the aura has taken over about 50% of my right eye’s vision)

Me: I’ve got a really bad aura. (I realize aura is opaque)

Lloyd: How bad? (by now, the aura has almost completely blocked the vision in my right eye)

Me: I can hardly see anything!

Lloyd: Really? (vision in my right eye is totally gone)

Me: Lloyd! I have no vision in my right eye!

That really is how quickly it happened, in just the small amount of time it took to have that conversation. Ten minutes later, vision began to return. An hour or so after onset, my vision had cleared.

Long story short, I went to ER. Bloodwork (again), EKG (again), CT of head (again). Conclusion: I probably had a TIA or an optic artery spasm--possibly in connection with an atypical migraine--which temporarily created a crucial drop in blood flow to the eye.

Next Thursday, I’m scheduled for an MRI of my brain, which will look at the blood vessels there. The Monday after that, I follow up with my neurologist.

Outcomes:

What exactly happened? They don’t know.

What triggered the episode? They don’t know.

Will it happen again? They don’t know.

Am I allowed to drive? NO.

How long will the driving ban last? Who knows.

So, Dear Reader, before you face your diem interruptus.... Carpe diem! Celebrate the sunset. Memorize your lover’s face, your child’s face, your dog’s face. Study the way a rose’s petals snuggle around each other. Drink it all in.

Because you never know....